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Study: All Official Statements Invoking “Science” Are True
Washington DC – A new scientific study has shown that any time officials use the words “the science shows”, the statement is true.
Aug 18, 20211 min read
Pro-choice Protestors Denounce Ancient Roman Practice
New York City, NY – Pro-choice protestors have denounced the ancient Romans as not being sufficiently supportive of abortion.
Aug 16, 20211 min read
White House Warns of COVID Taliban Strain
The White House now is warning that the COVID Taliban strain may sweep across the country.
Aug 16, 20211 min read
Petition to Rename the Hawaiian Pizza
Honolulu, HI – Some Hawaiians have petitioned that the “Hawaiian Pizza” be renamed because it’s racist.
Aug 11, 20211 min read
Coffee Sales Soar as Woke White People Order Black Coffee
Seattle, WA – Coffee sales have soared in the second quarter of 2021, a small sign that suggests some hope for the economy.
Aug 8, 20211 min read
Chucky Helps White House Vaccination Campaign
Days after Olivia Rodrigo’s appearance, the White House has invited other celebrities to help promote the vaccines.
Aug 4, 20211 min read
Exclusive: Hacktivist Bunnies Declare War on Human Elite
Hacktivist bunnies group Anomnomnomnymous have declared war on the human elite...
Aug 2, 20212 min read
Democrats Deny Sending Skynet to Defund the Police
The Democrats have denied ordering Skynet to defund the police. “That is ridiculous,” said Biden, “as if we… we would waste taxpayer’s...
Jul 31, 20211 min read
Vaccine Gives You Bigger Titties
New York City, NY – Pfizer has confirmed some women’s claims that their breasts were enlarged after receiving their vaccinations.
Jul 27, 20211 min read
Alien Town Hall Meeting Outrates CNN-Biden’s
Hadley’s Hope, LV-426 – CNN’s town hall event with Biden on Wednesday night was a ratings failure.
Jul 24, 20211 min read
Prospective Employee Identifies as Vaccinated
Philadelphia, PA – When Georgina applied for a job at MeeWare Solutions, she was told that all employees had to be vaccinated.
Jul 22, 20211 min read
Thousands of Students Protest against ID Laws
Atlanta, GA – Twenty thousand teenagers skipped school on Tuesday protesting against all ID laws.
Jul 21, 20211 min read
Victorian Lockdown Applies to Astronauts
Melbourne, Australia – The Premier of Victoria, Dan Andrews, has announced that the latest lockdown will be extended...
Jul 19, 20211 min read
Macron: “Vaccinations actually for protection against Germans”
Macron: “...the vaccinations are not really for COVID. It’s actually for protection against Germans.”
Jul 19, 20211 min read
Biden Administration to Fact-check More Text Messages
Biden to fact-check more text messages, starting with the age-old and statistically common question: Babe, what’re you wearing?
Jul 15, 20211 min read
Boy Suspended for Confusing CRT with CVT
Charlotte, NC – A sixth-grade student has been suspended for confusing CRT with CVT.
Jul 14, 20211 min read
Fat Lady Exploded at Mars Spaceport
Mars Spaceport – A fat lady exploded in rage at the Mars spaceport yesterday after a heated argument regarding the latest lockdown and...
Jul 4, 20211 min read
Experts Warn of COVID Omicron Strain
Geneva, Switzerland – With the COVID Delta strain apparently circulating the world, experts are now warning of the next variant.
Jul 1, 20212 min read
Presbyterian Church to No Longer Offer Choice of Post-service Drink
Philadelphia, PA – A local Presbyterian church is to no longer offer the choice of coffee or tea after their services.
Jun 29, 20211 min read
Diver Who Identified as Skydiver Jumped Off Plane
Los Angeles, CA – A 10m-platform diver who identified as a skydiver jumped off of a plane yesterday.
Jun 23, 20211 min read
Local Church Musician Arrested
St Paul, MN – A professional drummer who plays for a local church has been arrested for “disturbing the peace” in his neighborhood.
Jun 18, 20212 min read
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