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Coffee Sales Soar as Woke White People Order Black Coffee

Seattle, WA – Coffee sales have soared in the second quarter of 2021, a small sign that suggests some hope for the economy.

“I get a lot of white people buying black coffee in recent months,” said Eddie Grant, a local coffee shop owner, “but I noticed many of them only drink about half of it.”

According to Mindy, 21, “My friends and me order black coffee as a way to support all that’s been going on recently. And black coffee just looks cool, you know.”

Coffee Sales Soar as Woke White People Order Black Coffee

Andy, 22 and majoring in political science, agrees. “It does look cool, smells good too, although it doesn’t taste very nice. I see some people slip in a little milk and sugar when they think no one is looking, but I try to drink it straight.”

However, Harry Wilson, another coffee business owner, is not impressed. “They’re helping to pay the bills but I think it’s a waste of perfectly good black coffee, them buying it and then not drinking it. Most of them end up buying a skinny decaf latte to go anyway.”


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