Australians Consider Prison to Get More Exercise Time
Sydney, Australia – Australians en masse are considering voluntarily going to prison as parts of the country are under hard lockdown.
The current lockdown rules in the state of New South Wales permit one hour of outdoor exercise per day and the NSW government just announced that an extra hour will be granted to those who are fully vaccinated.
“This is ridiculous,” said Bob, a Sydney resident. “I have a friend who has a friend in jail and he gets more daily exercise time than that.”
Jill, another Sydney resident, agrees. “In prison, food is delivered, and at least we’re sometimes allowed to talk to people.”
PM Scott Morrison issued a statement: “As much as I want to respect the wishes of the Australian people, we don’t have the prison capacity to fit everyone in. The other option is to turn the entire country into a prison and I’m not sure if we have that capability either. There is also the question of whether it is a federal or state matter.”
According to Al Livingstone, professor of political science at some university, the country is already a continent-sized prison. “Well, historically, Australia is basically a convict colony anyway, so nothing’s changed.”
The NSW state government disagrees with both the PM and Professor Livingstone. “We are not a convict colony and we can reform this country into a large democratic prison. It will just take time cos we Aussies like to take it slow.”
Meanwhile, President Xi of China has praised Australia for its severe COVID measures. “Australia set good example. We rike. Too bad we cannot agwee on trade. And too bad more people getting vaccine, otherwise we trade for your organs too.”
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