Study: All Official Statements Invoking “Science” Are True

Washington DC – A new scientific study has shown that any time officials or representatives, particularly those in civil government, use the words “the science shows” or “according to science”, the statement is true whether there is a relevant scientific study or not.


Study: All Official Statements Invoking “Science” Are True

The study randomly selected about a dozen statements from mainstream media sources that contained the abovementioned qualification and have found that all statements are true based on the fact that someone said so.


“It’s important that we acknowledge the power of the word ‘science’,” said Professor Sum-ting Wong. “Who cares whether there’s any data or not? The word is sacred and whenever someone in a position of power uses it, it must be true and should not be debated.”


Professor Wong, however, admitted that there are exceptions to the findings. “I think we can exclude the pro-lifers and at least half the presbyterians out there, because they don’t make sense anyway and no one gives a crap what they say.”

 

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