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Chickens: Latest Avian Flu “Totally Racist”
Atlanta, GA – Chickens across the USA have protested that the latest “avian flu” floating around is “totally racist”. “Seriously, I don’t...
Feb 201 min read
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Palpatine Renames Alderaan to “Gulf of It’s Just Space and Rocks Now”
Galactic Senate, Coruscant (GNS) – Imperial Maps has updated Alderaan to “Gulf of It’s Just Space and Rocks Now” after Emperor Palpatine...
Feb 121 min read
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Deep State Hoping the Chiefs’ Playbook Will Help Turn Things Around
Washington DC – Barely two weeks after President Trump has re-taken office, the deep state is desperate to turn things around. Realizing...
Feb 91 min read
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Pentagon Expelling Outlets “Against Public Interest”, Says Outlets That Act Against Public Interest
Washington DC – In response to the latest memo outlining the rotation of media outlets through the Pentagon, outgoing media parties have...
Feb 31 min read
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Calls to Ban Rose and Jack’s “Love” Salute
New York City, NY – Following the outrage over Elon Musk’s recent Nazi/Love salute, some have called for legal action against Rose and...
Feb 21 min read
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Palpatine Terminates Security Detail of the Entire Senate
Galactic Senate, Coruscant (GNS) – Merely days after being crowned emperor, Palpatine has terminated the security detail of all members...
Jan 281 min read
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US Navy to Consider Naming Future Carrier after Former First Lady
Washington DC – The US Navy announced on Monday the names of two future Ford -class aircraft carriers: the USS William J. Clinton ...
Jan 141 min read
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FBI: Deadly Rebel Attack on Death Star “not related to Rebels”
Coruscant (GNS) – The FBI is still investigating the attack on the Death Star, describing it as “not related to Rebels”. Over 1.8 million...
Jan 31 min read
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Biden to Pardon 8,000 Drones
Washington DC – President Joe Biden announced on Thursday that in addition to commuting the sentences of about 1,500 individuals, he will...
Dec 19, 20241 min read
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Toilet Accuses Trump of Inappropriately Touching Its Face
New York City, NY – A toilet in New York has accused former President Donald Trump of inappropriately touching its face with his bare...
Oct 26, 20241 min read
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Dog Denies Noise Complaint, Claims Being a “Middle-class Kid”
Philadelphia, PA – A dog in Swarthmore, Philadelphia, has answered noise complaints against him by declaring that he is “a middle-class kid”
Oct 4, 20241 min read
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Boy Fails Test despite Being a “Middle-class kid”
San Francisco, CA – After having been awarded for “attempting” every test question in fourth grade, Jake of Wakeham Elementary School has...
Sep 29, 20241 min read
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Diddy Not Eating in Prison Due to Missing Special Ingredient
New York City, NY – Reports have been circulating that Sean “Diddy” Combs has been refusing to eat at the Metropolitan Detention Center...
Sep 26, 20241 min read
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Walz: Good to Shove Tampon Up Truck Exhaust
St Paul, MN – Tim Walz, the Democrat nominee for vice president in the 2024 US presidential election, has demonstrated that he is just...
Sep 24, 20241 min read
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Asian Metalhead Glad a Rapper Is Finally Arrested
The charges of racketeering and conspiracy for being a total pervert against rapper Sean “Diddy” Combs have shocked many but not all....
Sep 19, 20241 min read
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Ohio to Get New Team: Springfield Voodoo
Springfield, OH – Ohio, home to many professional sports teams, will get another one. The Springfield Voodoo will debut this year. There...
Sep 18, 20241 min read
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Timmy Not Confused with Letters of the Alphabet
Washington DC – In response to criticisms of confusing IVF and IUI, Democratic nominee for vice president Tim Walz defended his position...
Sep 1, 20241 min read
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McDonald’s Releases New McKamala Burger
Washington DC – To celebrate US Vice President Kamala Harris’s claims of working at McDonald’s in her youth whilst living in Canada, the...
Aug 30, 20241 min read
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Federal Agencies Recruiting Those Who Can Hit Targets, Not Practice, Like, 43 Times and Still Miss
Washington DC – Federal agencies such as the FBI and Homeland Security are recruiting for their “special operations” divisions. “In...
Aug 18, 20241 min read
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Harris Buys Fried Chicken
Washington DC – US Vice President Kamala Harris on Saturday visited a local fried chicken shop and walked out with a big twelve-piece...
Aug 5, 20241 min read
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Fake President Boards Wrong Plane, Ends Up in Wrong Fake Office
PG County, MD – President Joe Biden boarded the wrong plane on Thursday after welcoming home Americans as part of the American-Russian...
Aug 4, 20241 min read
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