MSNBS: Israel Projected to Win California Governor Race

Simian Practicalist
1 day ago
1 min read

Sacramento, CA – Although too early to call according to some commentators, the California Governor race took a dramatic turn at 2 AM.

Steve Hilton was leading at 27.5% when Ben Israel surged to 168.1% and Joe China to 164.2%. Neither candidate was initially on the ballot.

It is claimed that black vans and heavy-lift helicopters arrived at various vote centers across the state with forklifts unloading numerous pallets. These reports are unverified.

Local law enforcement has stated that this is “extra security and extra food” for the staff who are busy counting all night.

“This is to ensure the security of this election because we are insecure about our estimate of its security given that previous elections, which were thought to be secure, were possibly selectively insecure… which we’re insecure about also,” said Sacramento Police Department spokesman Humphrey Herzl.

In other news, merely six votes have been counted so far for Governor Gavin Newsom “being a total douchebag”.

“We’re happy enough about that,” said a staffer of the governor’s office.

Israel is projected to win with 615%.

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