The US Department of War has issued a statement reassuring all Americans—North, Central and South—that the recently issued NOTAMS near Venezuela are part of the upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations. “The NOTAMS are for all the fat turkeys that we intend to send to Venezuela,” said spokesman Vincent Bomdashiottau from the War Department, “because we love President Maduro and the cartels and we want our turkeys to get to them safely.” The effort is in recognition of

Washington DC – US Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced Operation Southern Spear on Thursday. “We’re calling it that because we’re gonna shove spears up the out-holes of the cartels,” said Hegseth. “And let’s be honest, it’s not just them, it’s also for those who traffic children, launder money and rig voting machines. Funny how no one talks about them.” Meanwhile, former Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi has announced an operation of her own. “Just bec

Spy thriller with a guy who can’t shoot, which is refreshing. Solidly produced. Steady pacing. Some elements can be better developed; definitely not a bad film but nothing spectacular either.

Washington DC – Since the White House East Wing was bulldozed last week, there have been many criticisms of President Trump’s decision. The president today further elaborated on the decision regarding his plans for a new $300-million ballroom. “It’s not just a ballroom,” said President Trump, “it’s a hardened compound that also features a giant, multi-level McDonald’s, cos I want to be able to eat there, safe from assassination attempts. “Besides, I don’t know what people are

Washington DC – US President Donald Trump and Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese signed a multi-billion dollar deal to safeguard long-term rare-earth metals supply to the US. “China has a lot of that stuff but they’re not gonna share it with us,” said President Trump, “but Australia has always been a good friend, even if they are a bit gay.” The Australian PM agrees. “We need all the friends we can get,” said Albo, “cos we’re a big continent with lots of stuff in the

London, UK – Prime Minister Keir Starmer is “really proud” to finally implement digital ID in the UK. “We’re about forty-one years late in ushering in our grand vision of 1984 ,” said Starmer, “because… because umm… we love free speech, which we’ve had for too long, I mean, a very long time.” The new digital ID system is intended to help combat illegal immigrants, particularly regarding access to government services and employment. “We know it’s easier to stop people from get

Breaking Gay News: Piece of Sh*t Pleads Not Smelling Like Sh*t

Detroit, MI – As the Illinois state government battles the Trump administration regarding the deployment of the National Guard, mostly...

Given the current state of society, especially in light of the recent, highly visible events such as the deployment of the US National...

Sacramento, CA – Just days after President Trump revoked former Vice President Harris’s Secret Service protection “cos she wasn’t even a...

Washington DC – The FBI is searching the home of John Bolton on Friday. The raid began at 7 am and is reportedly continuing at the time...

Sacramento, CA – The rat infestation across California has baffled some scientists as much as almond farm owners and other rodents. “NYC...

Just saying hypothetically…

Pope Leo XIII (b. 2 March 1810 – d. 20 July 1903), born Gioacchino Vincenzo Raffaele Luigi Pecci, began his pontificate on 20 February...

Sacramento, CA – California Governor Gavin Newsom on Friday indicated that he intends to hold a “special election” that will allow him to...

Melbourne, Australia – Given the state’s initiative to collect machetes and the latest trend in the WNBA to throw green dildos onto the...

…which reads suspiciously like the first draft.

Washington DC – Joe Biden has denied claims that the autopen was used without his express approval. “In fact, there was err… err… there...

We normally don’t care what Jeff Bezos does, although it is vaguely interesting that he reportedly sold $666 million of Amazon stock a...

Coruscant (GNS) – Newly appointed Imperial Attorney General Pam Bondi on Tuesday tried to explain the Department of Imperial Justice’s...

The CIA Note “ Tradecraft Review of the 2016 Intelligence Community Assessment on Russian Election Interference ” was released on 2 July...