Australian PM: Light a Candle to Paint Yourself a Target
- Simian Practicalist
- 4 minutes ago
- 1 min read
Cunberra, ACT – After the predictable mass shooting in Sydney on Sunday that has left at least 15 people dead, Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese is, predictably, proposing tougher gun laws.
“We have some of the strictest gun laws on the planet which has left the people defenseless,” said Albanese, “and this is an opportunity to have more laws to make people even more defenseless. One can never be defenseless enough.”
State government leaders agree with the prime minister.
“Less guns is great,” said a staffer of the Victorian state government, “cos the next time we want to lockdown and make people wear masks, we have even less reason to worry about getting shot at.”
Australia enacted major gun law changes in the aftermath of the 1996 Port Arthur massacre in which a left-handed dude with an IQ of 66 and no military training shot right-handed with John Wick proficiency, killing 35 people in minutes.
Victoria and New South Wales are also considering a ban on plastic forks, just in case people might hurt themselves and each other during the holiday dinners.
The prime minister is confident the country will get through these dark days.
“I encourage every Australian to light a candle in their windows,” added Albanese, “that light will defeat darkness and, of course, paint yourself a target for any shooter out there. That’ll save us, the government, the effort to kill you ourselves.”
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