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Petition to Rename the Hawaiian Pizza

Honolulu, HI – Some Hawaiians have petitioned that the “Hawaiian Pizza” be renamed because it’s racist.


“It’s admittedly not as bad as the Washington Redskins,” said William Fulham, professor of cultural studies, “but it’s still potentially insensitive.”


In a survey conducted by Opinyuns, approximately 51% of Hawaiians agree with renaming the pizza but not for the abovementioned reason.


“I get people generally associating pineapple and ham to Hawaiians,” said one respondent, “but I can’t stand pineapple on pizza. Shouldn’t even be called a pizza if it does!”


Petition to Rename the Hawaiian Pizza

“I’m Italian,” said another respondent, “and authentic pizzas shouldn’t have that much topping to begin with, let alone pineapple.”


Another Italian added that putting pineapple on pizza is “something even progressive faggots from Milan wouldn’t do.”


A local pizza shop owner took a more pragmatic view. “I don’t mind changing it to ‘Ham, Pineapple and Cheese on Bread’ or something like that. Either way, I’ll still make it because weird people still eat it.”


In other news: there is a petition to rename the Tomahawk cruise missile in case any targets who probably have little knowledge of American history get offended before they are obliterated.

 

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