Victorian Government Considers Collecting Green Toys and Machetes
- Simian Practicalist
- Aug 9
- 1 min read
Melbourne, Australia – Given the state’s initiative to collect machetes and the latest trend in the WNBA to throw green dildos onto the court, Victorian lawmakers are considering banning and collecting green dildos.
“It’s not just about knives and forks anymore,” said Premier Jacinta Allan, “I mean, it’s funny until someone gets poked in the eye and a green dildo can really poke you in the eye.”
The opposition, however, is considering a different view.
“We don’t want to discourage ‘going green’ now, do we?” said a Liberal minister on the condition of anonymity. “After all, it was Labour under Dan Andrews that banned gas. Anyway, we’ll be making our proposal when we’ve worked out what the hell we’re doing.”
The premier insists that green dildos are a menace to society.
“Everyone knows the government plays with green dildos. It’s what we do all day,” she added, “so we’ll collect them. And the red ones too, don’t wanna remind the population that green is the new red.”
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