Federation Warns Escalation If Dominion Sends Troops to Bajor
DS9 (FNS) – After two years of border conflict between the Federation and Cardassia near Bajor, the Dominion has ruled out sending its...
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- Apr 3, 2023
- 1 min
Trans Beer
Well, at least you can’t say Bud Light’s latest PR stunt is false advertising…
150
- Mar 19, 2023
- 1 min
Nazis Aren’t Welcome, Says Dictator
Premier of Victoria Dan Andrews reportedly said “Nazis aren’t welcome” in response to anti-trans and pro-trans rights protests on...
130
- Mar 6, 2023
- 1 min
Lori Lightfoot Denies Working as a Gargoyle above Church Door
Chicago, IL – Since Lori Lightfoot lost her job, there have been unconfirmed sightings of the outgoing mayor. An unverified report, which...
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- Feb 21, 2023
- 1 min
New Train Sim: Buttgouge Ohio Edition!
The developer of the popular train simulator series has released another title: Ohio Buttgouge Edition! This is the perfect game for...
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- Jan 30, 2023
- 1 min
Palpatine: All Jedi Who Died Suddenly a Coincidence
Galactic Senate, Coruscant (GNS) – The numerous Jedi who died suddenly on Sunday was a coincidence according to Chancellor Palpatine. “It...
130
- Jan 14, 2023
- 1 min
Grand Moff Tarkin Appoints Special Counsel to Investigate Princess Leia Classified Documents
Death Star (GNS) – Grand Moff Tarkin on Thursday appointed a special counsel to investigate Princess Leia Organa’s handling of classified...
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- Dec 15, 2022
- 1 min
Pelosi Portrait Unveiled!
Nancy Pelosi’s official Speaker portrait was unveiled on Wednesday in a ceremony held in the Statuary Hall.
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- Nov 22, 2022
- 1 min
Opinyun’s Magic Cards (29–32)
This batch features Danny the Commie Fanny, James Coma, Georgie Soros and Ramrod Rosenstein!
100
- Nov 15, 2022
- 1 min
US Voting System Reform Proposal: Two Counting Monkeys per County
Washington DC – A white paper has been released in light of recent voter fraud, alleged or otherwise, and the currently slow vote count...
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- Nov 11, 2022
- 1 min
Opinyun’s Magic Cards (25–28)
Here are cards 25–28! Play a game while you wait for the conveniently slow election count.
60
- Nov 10, 2022
- 1 min
Sean Penn Hands Oscar to Zelensky: Keep Up the Cheesy Act
Kyiv, Ukraine – American actor Sean Penn has handed over his Oscar to Ukrainian president Zelensky in Kyiv whilst defying the US...
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- Nov 4, 2022
- 1 min
Ice Cream Man: Not Voting for Us an Assault on Democracy
Washington DC – A man who looks and sounds like Joe Biden spoke on Wednesday about the upcoming midterm elections. Like the president, he...
40
- Nov 3, 2022
- 2 min
Cardassia: Let’s Declare Occupation Amnesty
We need to forgive one another for what we did and said when we were in the dark about the Occupation of Bajor.
140
- Oct 17, 2022
- 1 min
Pfizer to Supply Anti-Radiation Pills Pfizodide at the Speed of Science
New York City, NY – Given the increasing threat of nuclear war, Pfizer has announced that it will manufacture and supply countries with...
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- Oct 15, 2022
- 1 min
Katie Hobbs: I Will Only Debate Kari Lake in Restaurant Toilet
Even as early ballots arrive via the mail for the Arizona governor’s election, democrat Katie Hobbs has yet to debate republican Kari...
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- Oct 14, 2022
- 2 min
White House Sewage Pipe Explosions Will Not Stop Sh** Supply
Washington DC – White House staff announced on Thursday morning that there was a “significant” drop in the flowrate through one of the...
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- Oct 10, 2022
- 1 min
Democrats: Reboot 90 Day Fiancé to Get More Migrants
New York City, NY – The Democrats have called for a reboot of the reality show 90 Day Fiancé. “Well… uhh… I think 90 days is too long,”...
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- Oct 5, 2022
- 1 min
Newsom: AB2098 “is about the environment, not medical fascism”
Sacramento, CA – Governor Gavin Newsom has denied that his approval of AB2098 has anything to do with impeding free speech or ushering in...
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