Pfizer to Supply Anti-Radiation Pills Pfizodide at the Speed of Science
New York City, NY – Given the increasing threat of nuclear war, Pfizer has announced that it will manufacture and supply countries with its latest anti-radiation pills called Pfizodide.
The pills are proprietary but they will be available at a reasonable cost of US$600 per dose.
When asked whether human trials were conducted on the effectiveness of Pfizodide against radiation, Janine Small, President of International Developed Markets, answered, “No, we had to really move at the speed of science so we can save freedom and democracy and puppies and Christmas and Hanukkah, old ladies and Ukraine, of course.”
Small, however, insists that the product is safe. “We’re pretty sure the pill is not going hurt you… although, to be honest, it won’t help you against COVID-19. Apparently, nothing does.”
Despite reassurances, conspiracy theories have been circulating on social media of how these anti-radiation pills “contain graphene nanites and will use radiation to power itself to replicate and take over the human body” and are “untested for radiation”.
The fact-checkers at Associated Press and Reuters can confirm that these comments are “missing context” and “misleading” because conspiracy theories are “automatically false”.
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