Washington DC – White House staff announced on Thursday morning that there was a “significant” drop in the flowrate through one of the main sewage pipes out of the White House.
On Friday, staff announced that a second sewage pipe suffered “unprecedented” damage.
“Sewage pipe ruptures are rare,” said the White House Maintenance Manager, “so multiple ruptures in one day is a rather big coincidence.”
The ruptures have resulted in serious leaks of wastewater. Brown water and waste have continuously been blasting or spewing out of the White House grounds and into the surrounding areas. Fortunately, very few officials have been in Washington in recent weeks.
Some, however, are not impressed. “The place really smells like sh** now, and I thought it was bad enough before,” said Mrs Tailor, a resident.
Seismologists reported blasts within the White House grounds. “Either it was explosions or someone took a massive dump and the pipes just couldn’t handle it anymore,” said Dr Farton. “I guess the current administration is really full of sh**.”
“These ruptures are… are… obviously an act of sabotage,” said Biden. “Like everything else, I blame the Russians… or is it Trump? Doesn’t matter, I blame them both.”
White House staff indicated that the damage is “extensive” and that “repairs can be made but may take some time”.
VP Kamala Harris, however, has reassured the administration’s commitment to continue to govern. “Acts of terrorism will not stop us from delivering our sh** to the country or our allies like North Korea. Sewage pipe or not, we will spread our sh** to the world, cos that’s what we do.”
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