Ice Cream Man: Not Voting for Us an Assault on Democracy

Washington DC – A man who looks and sounds like Joe Biden spoke on Wednesday about the upcoming midterm elections. Like the president, he had two ice creams in front of him although there was no presidential seal visible on the podium.


“This is the first nationwide election since January 6th. I… err… I wish I could say the assault on our democracy had ended that day,” said the Biden-lookalike. “But then some guy in his underwear nails Paul Pelosi… with I hammer, I mean, and that’s just not on. Underwear should be off.”


The man sniffed the ice cream, then licked them before continuing.


“We have a… a former president who won’t accept the 2020 election. I hope you’ll ask yourself when you vote: Will the person I vote for accept the result? If you don’t vote for us, it’s an assault on democracy with a hammer and… err… underwear. If we win, that needs to be accepted and err… if we don’t, it’s because it’s stolen, like 2016 or whenever that was. Only we’re allowed to complain. End of quote.”


The man then turned around, shook hands with the air whilst mumbling “Where’s Nancy?” and looked in all directions for a way to leave the stage.


If you don’t vote for us, it’s an assault on democracy with a hammer and… err… underwear.
 

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