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Biden to Open Schools for One Day

Beverly Hills, CA – President Joe Biden has announced that schools will re-open within his first 100 days in office as previously promised.

“I have to,” said Biden, “and preferably before the 100 days is up, in case I don’t live that long.”

However, the roadmap to re-opening all the schools is not entirely clear.

Biden to Open Schools for One Day

“Well, I think we will take it one day at a time,” said Biden. “And by that, I mean… err… I mean have a one-day week for starters. I think that’s a good balance. The kids can go to school but it’s just for one day. I’ll maybe make a two- or three-day week a permanent thing. Save the budget while we’re at it.”

When asked why merely half a week of schooling going forward and the implications of such a drastic change in education policy, Biden answered: “We all know they don’t learn anything anyway, it’s just indoctrination.

“With a three-day week, the kids will love me. Apart from the real geeks, what kid doesn’t mind a shorter school week? If I can’t convince most of the country that I’m the president, then I’ll just have to go for the younger generation’s approval. And free marks. Everyone gets free marks just for turning up with a mask on.”


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