Maduro Wins Free Trip to the US

Simian Practicalist
5 days ago
1 min read

Caracas, Venezuela – Former Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro has won a free trip to the United States.

“We’ve copped a lot of flak for shoving people back to places like Venezuela,” said US President Donald Trump, “and I don’t wanna be insensitive to that, which is why I’m giving Nicki here a free trip to our country. And new tracksuits too.”

President Trump clarified that the trip is in the spirit of the new year and not because Maduro is a “commie cartel-kissing fat tub of s—”.

“We offered 50 million for this guy,” added the president, “so we really rolled out the expensive carpet for this guy. Can’t say we didn’t treat him like royalty, right?”

The president did not respond to requests for comment on whether the carpet was for Maduro to walk on or to transport his body.

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