Aussie Foreign Policy Remains Unchanged: FCFS

Washington DC – US President Donald Trump and Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese signed a multi-billion dollar deal to safeguard long-term rare-earth metals supply to the US.

“China has a lot of that stuff but they’re not gonna share it with us,” said President Trump, “but Australia has always been a good friend, even if they are a bit gay.”

The Australian PM agrees. “We need all the friends we can get,” said Albo, “cos we’re a big continent with lots of stuff in the ground but we only have 27 million lazy and stupid people, except for maybe the Asian immigrants, who don’t know how to dig or own a gun.”

Australia’s nanny-state green policies ensure that much of the resources remain untapped, whether it is uranium or natural gas or kangaroo. Local laws also prohibit digging and looking at the ground without a permit. Meanwhile, other laws regarding firearms and weapons practically guarantee that nobody knows how to fire a toy gun or use a shovel.

“We’ve really taken being gay and retarded to a new level,” added Albo, “so our foreign policy has always been ‘first come, first served’, which is as gay as it sounds: take all our stuff but please don’t kill us. But you might want to bring your own shovel though.”

In other news, experts have concluded that the explosions at the Petrotel-Lukoil refinery in Romania and MOL refinery in Hungary were just a coincidence, due to a combination of rising atmospheric temperature with the latest outbreak of COVID Upsilon-Zelensky strain.

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