Washington DC – The intense standoff and the threat of mines in the Strait of Hormuz have elicited calls for the use of escorts. “I think ships will need lots of help from escorts,” said Professor Abweichler of International Affairs. “It’s a pretty tense situation so I think escorts will help. Escorts always bring some release.” Chevron CEO Mike Wirth tentatively agrees with the idea of escorts. “There’s plenty of oil, so there’s no shortage of lubricant. Just need to get it

Geneva, Switzerland – Experts are warning of the new COVID strain detected in most countries, dubbed the “Hormuz” variant. “We’ve given up on using Greek letters or numbers, cos they don’t sound sci-fi and scary anymore,” said Professor Lenny Bollocks. Experts have named the variant “Hormuz” because they suspect the strain originated in Iran while exploding Israeli bombs made it airborne and spread it. The variant has subsequently been tracked in all continents. Countries suc

Sydney, Australia – Due to the continuing conflict between the US, Israel and Iran, fuel prices are soaring. Airlines such as Qantas, however, have reassured travellers that they remain as efficient as ever—at increasing airfares. “Jet fuel supply is volatile, blah blah blah,” said Qantas spokesperson Will Ripov. “We love it when someone threatens the fuel even if it doesn’t directly impact us, cos we can then jack up the prices—well, as long as they don’t shoot us down like

Washington DC – The Pentagon has reportedly ordered a second aircraft carrier strike group to prepare for deployment in the Middle East. “Look, Iran should be grateful that I’ve told Benny to shut up because he would like nothing better than to treat Iran like Gaza,” said President Donald Trump. The president, however, has again warned Iran that “there will be big beautiful ships that can do big things” while insisting that talks should continue. “But in the tradition of Pre

Washington DC – The FBI is searching the home of John Bolton on Friday. The raid began at 7 am and is reportedly continuing at the time...

San Francisco, CA – Paul Pelosi is claiming that President Trump and the Pentagon stole his intellectual property for their airstrike on...

Washington DC – Senator Lindsey Graham responded to the aftermath of Hurricane Helene, stating that “the devastation is just...

An Iranian study by M. Varnaseri et al titled “Ivermectin as a Potential Addition to the Limited Anti-COVID-19 Arsenal: A Double-Blinded...

Given the US’s current domestic problems, the increasingly apparent incompetence and corruption of the Biden administration (in case it...

Regardless of Russian intentions in Ukraine, it is clear that certain elements of the West are desperately trying to escalate. (By...

Given the report made by Simon Parkes that all suitcase nukes have been taken care of, it is likely that moves may be made soon by the...