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Simian Practicalist

My First Battle Against Russians

My First Battle Against Russians

Los Angeles, CA – From the company that brought “My First False Flag Government Building Storming” now comes “My First Battle Against Russians” for those who desire something more action-orientated.


“It comes with one soldier’s uniform. The equipment vaguely resembles American and other NATO members but we’re particularly proud of the American flag patch because the US is paying for a lot of the stuff,” said Product Development VP Lindsey Graham.


The faux AK, however, is still Ukrainian.


According to the product description: “The set comes with 10 diecast Russian artillery pieces because you will always be outnumbered by Russians and you’re probably gonna get killed. There is no body bag because no one will be able to recover what’s left of you anyway.”


Also included is an Azov banner as well as a cardboard cutout of President Zelensky hoarding cash while having an intimate moment with President Macron trying to act like Biden.


“We felt it was important to include the French because they’re contributing no small amount and they haven’t won a war for a couple of hundred years so we feel a bit bad for them,” said Marketing Spokesperson Mike Pence.


One product tester of Russian descent noted, “It’s a great set but I wouldn’t call it a ‘battle’ playset. It’s more like a ‘special operation’ playset.”


Another tester, a parent of two trans boys, said, “I think it’s great parents get to practice sending their children to die for the elites.”


The RRP of “My First Battle Against Russians” is US$399.99. Ten percent of all proceeds will go to the Poor Deep State Fascist Veterans Fund.

 

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