Kyiv, Ukraine – Ukrainian President Zelenskiy has announced that the buildup of Ukrainian troops in the eastern region of the country has nothing to do with the recent escalating violence in Donbas.
“That is of concern for us, of course,” said President Zelenskiy, “but that is not why we are moving tens of thousands of troops with armor. We have reason to believe that Godzilla may attack us at that location soon.”
Russian Minister of Foreign Affairs, Sergey Lavrov, also commented on the buildup of Russian forces at the Ukrainian border. “That is admittedly no coincidence. And as we speak, we have trainloads of armor heading there. We have announced airspace restrictions and closed the bridge. We too are preparing for Godzilla or some other Titan.”
Meanwhile, NATO Secretary-General, Jens Stoltenberg, issued a statement. “Although we are busy with our exercises, which were announced a long time ago, it’s just as well that we are already in the region… I mean, we may as well stay there in case a Titan shows up. They can be unpredictable.”
The Institute of Titan Studies (TITS) did not respond to requests for comment.
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