Rats Just Visiting Newsom and Family in California

Sacramento, CA – The rat infestation across California has baffled some scientists as much as almond farm owners and other rodents.

“NYC is supposed to be rat central,” said Dr Squirrel, “but these rat bastards are stealing all our nuts!”

Opinyuns took to the streets to interview the rats.

“The pizza isn’t that good in California,” said one rat, “but there’re plenty of homeless folk and I don’t mind the company.”

“We moved from NYC,” said another, a father of six pups. “We were visiting relatives but with Newsom and all the other rats, we really found family here and so we stayed.”

Other rodents, such as Mr and Mrs Beaver, parents of three kits, are not impressed. “We could have fixed the water problem if the government had hired us,” said Mr Beaver. “Instead, rats are everywhere. We’re so not related to them.”

Like Mr Beaver and Mrs Beaver, many are planning to move to Colorado.

Although almond farm owners are reporting record losses due to infestation, the fast-food sector is reporting a relative spike in new businesses opening and revenue.

“I’ve noticed quite a few new burger and burrito joints opening,” said Miss Guinea Pig, who lives in a penthouse apartment. “They also seem to have some ‘special’ burger on their menus.”

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