Mysterious White Officer Shoots Random Asian Guy
Los Angeles, CA – Hundreds of residents in Reseda took to the streets yesterday demanding the arrest of a white police officer who shot an Asian guy.
According to witnesses, the yet-to-be-identified white officer was looking for a person of interest at the Galleria when the shootout took place. The circumstances are unclear but an Asian man was gunned down in one of the mall’s service corridors.
“Shooting at some white kid who is to be important in some future war is one thing,” said one protester. “But taking out a random Asian man wearing glasses and his regular coffee while on break, that’s just racist.”
Captain Rodriguez of the precinct in Reseda said, “Any shooting in public is concerning and we are investigating, but I honestly have no idea who this officer is… Never seen him in my life.”
Witnesses describe the unnamed officer as “a really white, 6-foot clean-cut Nazi soldier boy” between age 25 to 30.
Another officer, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said, “We’re honestly confused about this. Since this guy [the officer] showed up, two of our guys have gone missing, along with a patrol car, a nice bike and a helicopter. As for the shooting… well, at least he was actually aiming for a white kid and some big Austrian guy.”
Meanwhile, Planned Parenthood has issued a statement: “We believe that those from the future performing a retroactive abortion is a perfectly acceptable form of family planning. And wars, wars do a fine job too.”
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