top of page

Monkeypox Cluster Confirmed on Tatooine

Monkeypox Cluster Confirmed on Tatooine

Mos Eisley, Tatooine (GNS) – The Republic Medical Academy has identified a cluster of monkeypox cases on Tatooine.

“We found a Tusken Raider village just outside of Mos Eisley and everyone had died recently from the virus,” said Dr Kovarrup of the Republic Medical Academy.

The symptoms usually include rash and fever. Deaths do occur but are not that common. However, experts have expressed alarm given that the entire Tusken village “died suddenly”.

“Not only had they all died but symptoms include decapitations, limbs being entirely severed and deep cuts in the torso. Strangely, the wounds were mostly cauterized,” said Dr Kovarrup. “This variant of the virus is very odd and we urge caution to all nearby residents.”

The initial discovery was made by Padawan Anakin Skywalker. “I’m no doctor, I came across them while on my own mission. I saw the symptoms and called the Republic, then moved on. Anyway, they’re animals, they can die like animals.”

When asked what his mission was, Skywalker replied: “Jedi business, go back to your sand.”

The Jedi Council has not responded to requests for comment.


Be sure to subscribe to our mailing list so you get each new Opinyun that comes out!



Screen Shot 2021-12-09 at 4.49.31 PM.png

10% Off


bottom of page