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Church Excommunicates Female Vocalist for Being Too Skillful

St Paul, MN – Re-re-reformed Lutheran Church excommunicated a female vocalist on Sunday, the first of such a case in the congregation.


“If we excommunicate anyone, it’s usually a guitarist or a drummer,” said Rod Träge, a member of the church council. “We prefer not to excommunicate singers cos we don’t have enough of them—not good ones anyway—so it’s a shame we had to in this instance.”


Church Excommunicates Female Vocalist for Being Too Skillful

Sara Park, 27, is considered to be the best contemporary vocalist the congregation has ever heard.


On Sunday, due to an intermittent technical problem, the reverb function could not be utilized. “I was devastated,” said Gary who was, as on most weeks, rostered on to man the mixing desk. “I know Sara is good but I guess I’m just used to giving all our vocalists as much reverb as possible. They need it, usually.”


It was reported by multiple witnesses that Ms Park compensated by singing an echo every second or third syllable.


“It was like manual reverb,” said one churchgoer. “Or your typical bad mic that’s not suitable for singing.”


“I appreciated the effort but it was just confusing,” said a member of the church council. “It just got a bit repetitive. And even then, it was embarrassing our bad singers.”


Ms Park, however, disagrees. “I don’t think I was any more repetitive than the song lyrics or the sermon.”

 

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