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Victorian Government: All Must Sign In to Use the Toilet

Melbourne, Australia – Despite Victoria having relaxed its lockdown restrictions, Premier Dan Andrews added that it is important for everyone to not forget to sign in wherever they go.

Victorian Government: All Must Sign In to Use the Toilet

“Everyone, not just Victorians but all Australians cos we believe we can tell everyone what to do,” said Dictator Dan, “everyone must sign in to use the toilet.”

The rule applies to both the vaccinated and unvaccinated, and includes any and all toilets within one’s residence.

As proof that one is using the toilet, one must also photograph the toilet after their use but before flushing or their used toilet paper. For those who enter the toilet to play with themselves, a photograph of their climactic moment is mandatory.

When queried whether this measure is excessive, the premier stated, “We’re not talking about AIDS which everyone overreacted and thought could spread by using the same toilet seat. We’re talking about COVID here, which is highly contagious and deadly.”

Human rights organizations around the country have condemned measures such as mandating photos of used toilets and toilet paper as a breach of privacy.

However, the premier responded, “The privacy act does not apply during this pandemic. Those who protest for their freedom or privacy or whatever are just selfish conspiracy theorists. Besides, everyone knows we officials are a bunch of jizz-mopping a***wipes. We love looking at filthy photos.”


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