Mars Spaceport – A fat lady exploded in rage at the Mars spaceport yesterday after a heated argument regarding the latest lockdown and quarantine procedures.
The colony recently imposed incoming and departing travel restrictions due to six cases of COVID. “We’re following Australia’s lead,” said Governor Cohaagen last Monday. “They were one of the first countries to impose travel restrictions, lockdowns and mandatory hotel quarantine over a low number of cases, so we will do the same.”
According to witnesses, the fat lady was initially told that the lockdown would last “at least two more weeks in order to flatten the curve.”
“She was smiling and seemed friendly enough,” said Mrs Allen, a fellow traveller. “But when they told her that the mandatory hotel quarantine would last two weeks, she went mental.”
According to another witness, the fat lady ranted about conspiracy theories that it is not the mutants that are causing problems but “Cardassian agents who have infiltrated the Martian colony posing as security personnel and taxi drivers” and that “Cohaagen vaguely looks like Biden”.
All witnesses agreed that the fat lady then totally lost control, saying “two weeks” over and over while tearing at her own mouth.
“She literally went off her head and exploded,” said Mrs Allen, “and we almost got sucked out when the glass shattered. I’m just glad security was there to make sure the airlocks were activated.”
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