Atlanta, GA – Nearly eighteen months after the rollout of the COVID-19 vaccines in the US, a Georgian judge has unsealed parts of the database that records injuries and deaths due to the vaccines.
There were 15 gigabytes of data saved on a mainframe in the basement of the CDC. Merely 38 pages worth of data have been released but most of it is redacted, confirming that the vaccines are indeed “safe and effective”.
“I told you,” said Dr Fauci, Director of NIAID. “I can assure you that there have been very few deaths due to these vaccines, not that I really care since I am resigning anyway.”
Some have pointed out that such heavy redactions suggest vaccine deaths are being deliberately suppressed. The authorities, however, stated that the redactions are “necessary to prevent revealing the ‘disinformation roadmap’ so that any member of the public can circumvent and actually find the truth”.
“We can’t keep on having conspiracy theories,” said Fauci, “I mean, if people are suspicious about COVID and its vaccines, they’re going to go nuts over gerbilpox.”
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