Washington DC – On Wednesday, the Biden-Harris administration announced a $130-billion “rescue plan” to hire more teachers for American schools.
However, the teachers will have to be recruited mostly from Ukraine.
“It’s imperative that we… we… fill our schools with more woke, child-molesting teachers because children need to know how to have showers,” said Joe Biden. “But… but I just remembered… remembered all the money has gone to Ukraine… but that’s fine because Ukraine has plenty of child molesters there anyway.”
In the Roosevelt Room during the afternoon, First Lady Jill Biden discussed new recruitment and job platforms aimed mostly at undocumented immigrants. “We need more human resources from our Central and South American neighbors to teach our children how to make breakfast tacos,” she said.
Kamala Harris laughed, then stated that she uses the pronoun “she” and “her” before laughing some more.
The president then reassured Americans that recruitment will also take place locally. He added, “At worse, we’ll… we’ll… umm… recruit some IRS agents. I’m sure they can teach math and they’ll have plenty of guns and bullets so umm… they can protect schools. End of line… whatever.”
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