Washington DC – In addition to the negative comments regarding Kash Patel’s recent confirmation as FBI Director, a new wave of bitching and moaning is sweeping through the nation at the appointment of Dan Bongino as the Deputy Director.
Although Bongino has experience as a police officer and Secret Service agent, he has, like Patel, no experience as an FBI agent.
“I hear ya,” said President Trump, “which is why I am also appointing David Duchovny as an Assistant Director. He has a lot, and I mean a lot of experience in the FBI; he’s the right person for the job.”
The announcement states that the appointment is not Duchnovy as Fox Mulder but rather Denise Bryson from Twin Peaks.
“We all love Mulder but Duchnovy as Denise Bryson is a good choice,” said the president. “Look, he has a Jewish father, a protestant mother, quintessential American good looks whether in pants or a skirt, excellent deadpan, extensive experience at the DEA and FBI and the only cross-dresser who can genuinely qualify as a DEI hire. All angles are covered. Nothing to complain about. Great guy, great guy.”
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