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Man Excommunicated for Pulling Fire Alarm to Stop Long Church Service

St Paul, MN – Re-re-reformed Lutheran Church has excommunicated a man for pulling the fire alarm during the sermon.

“We try to be inclusive to all views,” said church council member Rod Träge, “but interrupting the sermon, even if the pastor does things differently and goes on and on, is out of the question.”

The man, a regular churchgoer in his 40s, said that he “simply had enough” when the pastor asked everyone to share an episode of their life that was related to the Gospel reading with the person next to them. By then, the sermon had already gone on for about 50 minutes.

“We have a liturgy and the unspoken rule that sermons don’t last more than 25 minutes for a reason,” said the man. “As for talking to others during the sermon, that’s just cringe. This isn’t some cheesy sorta-baptist-sorta-non-denominational church.”

According to one regular churchgoer, “I can understand the man. The pastor did drone on for a bit. Besides, I couldn’t remember what the Gospel reading was anyway so I wouldn’t know what life story to share.”

However, Sandrine Hiederman, the congregation’s music co-ordinator, was disappointed.

“The band had planned to play something by Hillsong for like fifteen times after the sermon and we couldn’t do that,” she said.


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