Geneva, Switzerland – With the COVID Delta strain apparently circulating the world, experts are now warning of the next variant which some have dubbed the “Omicron strain”.
“Viruses are known to mutate,” said Professor Karl Fassbender, “so the next variant may be more dangerous. It may or may not exist yet, but it’s important that we prepare to totally overreact to it.”
WHO is currently monitoring variants of interest up to Lambda, so when asked why several Greek letters after lambda were skipped in naming this latest variant, some experts have stated that “omicron just sounds more ominous and sci-fi and all that”. For others like Professor Fassbender, “it’s just the next letter I happen to remember from college math”.
Dr Nick Button, however, is more certain about Omicron. “It’s a threat to everyone. And not just people, but also puppies and kittens and bunnies and democracy and Christmas and donuts and kimchi pancakes.”
Dr Con Greywash, in fact, goes further to suggest that Omicron may even be contributing to climate change. “I haven’t finished analyzing the data yet, but apart from causing fever in victims and thereby raising their heat transfer into the atmosphere, the virus itself may be generating and transferring heat to the environment. The current heatwave in North America may be caused by Omicron.”
As for prevention, Dr Greywash warns the current vaccines may be insufficient. “I’m sure we’ll come up with vaccines for Omicron soon enough. But for now, an extra two or three shots of the existing vaccines may do the trick. And wear a condom over your head.”
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