top of page

COVID Still a Threat but Less When Someone Kicks 1000 Goals

COVID Still a Threat but Less When Someone Kicks 1000 Goals

Sydney, Australia – NSW Chief Health Officer Dr Kerry “New World Order” Chant reminded all NSW residents that COVID is still “sort of a threat and sort of isn’t”.

“Obviously, it’s not really a threat at a full football stadium,” she said, “even if it normally is.”

This was apparent last night: not only was there a game during a pandemic that at times required lockdowns, but half the stadium flooded the field when Buddy Franklin kicked his 1000th career goal.

“However, I must remind everyone that case numbers are still high,” added Dr Chant, “and that COVID is still a vewy vewy deadly virus even if I have to sound like a self-contradictory retard saying it.”

Dr Chant further explained that the matter is not simple: “People must realize that one of the reasons we didn’t have issues last night was that we had a remarkable individual kicking his 1000th goal. That gives everyone nearby special but temporary immunity against COVID.

“But kicking 1000 goals is rare, so the easiest way to acquire immunity is getting 1000 boosters.”


Be sure to subscribe to our mailing list so you get each new Opinyun that comes out!



Screen Shot 2021-12-09 at 4.49.31 PM.png

10% Off


bottom of page