Corporate Employee Suggests More KPIs

Sydney, Australia – A corporate minion was given a reprimand for “not being a team player”.

Last week, John Lee was told that he had failed to meet one of his key performance indicators (KPIs). He contested that decision because his position is a core function of the company.

“I only get to do the work that comes to me,” said Lee. “You can’t do the work if people don’t give you work. It’s not like the support departments where you can just keep shuffling paper as long as the company exists.”

He questioned HR, suspecting that HR “has KPIs for declaring employees having failed to meet their KPIs”.

HR has denied that claim, stating that they instead have “KPIs for writing nonsensical KPIs for everyone, including themselves”.

Lee then suggested that the company should implement KPIs for failing to meet KPIs.

According to HR, that suggestion is “under consideration” but stands by its decision to reprimand Lee for “asking too many questions”.

Lee responded that he was merely “trying to stay engaged” and thought that was a KPI as well.

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