10U Lineman Breaks Multiple Records
Cincinnati, OH – Eli Gable is a born lineman. At 16 years of age, he stands at 6’3” and already weighs 291 lbs. Since he identifies as a 10-year-old, he plays in the 10U (unlimited weight) division as an offensive lineman.
In his first game, he bowled over records as well as opponents, opening up gaping holes for the running back to walk through untouched.
“He’s got raw strength, that’s for sure,” said his coach. “He probably needs to improve technically though.”
In at least eighteen instances when the pocket collapsed or threatened to collapse, Gable simply bulldozed his way through the other pass rushers, caught the ball and ran with the secondaries bouncing off of him. Not surprisingly, despite getting the whistle and a few flags, Gable argued his case. “I may be an offensive lineman, but I also sometimes identify as a tight-end and am therefore an eligible receiver.”
Umpire Stan Hightower, however, was not impressed. “I don’t care what he identifies as. He has to declare himself an eligible receiver if he wants to be one.”
Despite the fouls, Gable had 33 catches for 826 yards and 15 TDs. He even played a few defensive snaps, racking up a total of 17 sacks and 2 INTs.
In other football news, 16U FS Sam Slugger has appeared in court yesterday after his arrest last week for a violent late hit on WR DeSean D.D. Wright in the 3rd quarter. Wright was nowhere near the ball. In court, Slugger stated, “I identify as the innocent type”.
Be sure to subscribe to our mailing list so you get each new Opinyun that comes out!
Follow us on Farcebook, Twitterpated, Instasham, MeWe, Gab, and BooTube, as well as Parler!