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Predator’s Acquittal a Safety Concern for Subway Commuters
New York City, NY – Following Predator’s not guilty verdict in the high-profile case, some have commented regarding the safety...
Dec 12, 20241 min read


ED-209 Falls Down Stairs During Lunch
Washington DC – ED-209 fell down stairs on Tuesday during its lunchtime patrol, sustaining “scratches to its body and minor damage to its...
Dec 11, 20241 min read


Palpatine Considering Preemptive Pardons for Anakin Skywalker
Galactic Senate, Coruscant (GNS) – Chancellor Palpatine is considering blanket preemptive pardons for Jedi Anakin Skywalker. Sources...
Dec 9, 20241 min read


Man Thought South Korean Martial Law Part of K-drama
Sydney, Australia – A man who was binging on K-drama early on Wednesday morning thought news of the martial law declaration in South...
Dec 3, 20241 min read


Man Cleans Windows and Installs New Curtains for Three Days of Darkness
Philadelphia, PA – A man decided to rip out his horizontal blinds, clean the windows and install new curtains. His wife thought he did it...
Nov 22, 20241 min read


The Ominous Owl #4
Welcome to the fourth entry by the Ominous Owl, the number that is truly ominous. At least for those who are afraid of death. That was a...
Oct 26, 20241 min read


Toilet Accuses Trump of Inappropriately Touching Its Face
New York City, NY – A toilet in New York has accused former President Donald Trump of inappropriately touching its face with his bare...
Oct 26, 20241 min read


Trump Faces Dilemma to Collect More Assassination Attempt Badges
Coachella, CA – In the aftermath of a man arrested outside of his campaign rally for using fake VIP credentials and possessing multiple...
Oct 14, 20241 min read


Mayorkas: FEMA Needs More Money to Stop People Doing Anything
Washington DC – Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas told reporters FEMA does not have sufficient funding beyond any “immediate...
Oct 6, 20241 min read


Lindsey Graham: Must Help Hurricane Victims by Helping Israel
Washington DC – Senator Lindsey Graham responded to the aftermath of Hurricane Helene, stating that “the devastation is just...
Oct 4, 20241 min read


Dog Denies Noise Complaint, Claims Being a “Middle-class Kid”
Philadelphia, PA – A dog in Swarthmore, Philadelphia, has answered noise complaints against him by declaring that he is “a middle-class kid”
Oct 4, 20241 min read


Boy Fails Test despite Being a “Middle-class kid”
San Francisco, CA – After having been awarded for “attempting” every test question in fourth grade, Jake of Wakeham Elementary School has...
Sep 29, 20241 min read


Diddy Not Eating in Prison Due to Missing Special Ingredient
New York City, NY – Reports have been circulating that Sean “Diddy” Combs has been refusing to eat at the Metropolitan Detention Center...
Sep 26, 20241 min read


Walz: Good to Shove Tampon Up Truck Exhaust
St Paul, MN – Tim Walz, the Democrat nominee for vice president in the 2024 US presidential election, has demonstrated that he is just...
Sep 24, 20241 min read


Asian Metalhead Glad a Rapper Is Finally Arrested
The charges of racketeering and conspiracy for being a total pervert against rapper Sean “Diddy” Combs have shocked many but not all....
Sep 19, 20241 min read


Ohio to Get New Team: Springfield Voodoo
Springfield, OH – Ohio, home to many professional sports teams, will get another one. The Springfield Voodoo will debut this year. There...
Sep 18, 20241 min read


How to Keep Your Social Credit Score Up
Given all the surveillance and monitoring on (and off) the internet, it is imperative to keep your social credit score up. It is best to...
Sep 8, 20243 min read


Tulsi Gabbard Gets Plastered to Help Trump Debate Preparation
Herndon, VA – Former Democrat Tulsi Gabbard has been helping President Donald Trump prepare for his first presidential debate against...
Sep 6, 20241 min read


Timmy Not Confused with Letters of the Alphabet
Washington DC – In response to criticisms of confusing IVF and IUI, Democratic nominee for vice president Tim Walz defended his position...
Sep 1, 20241 min read


McDonald’s Releases New McKamala Burger
Washington DC – To celebrate US Vice President Kamala Harris’s claims of working at McDonald’s in her youth whilst living in Canada, the...
Aug 30, 20241 min read


My First, and Maybe Last, Boeing Flight
Los Angeles, CA – From the company that brought “My First False Flag Government Building Storming” and “My First Vaccine Adverse Event”,...
Aug 24, 20241 min read
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