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Calls to Ban Rose and Jack’s “Love” Salute
New York City, NY – Following the outrage over Elon Musk’s recent Nazi/Love salute, some have called for legal action against Rose and...
Feb 2, 20251 min read


Dems Try to Be Less Intelligible than RFK Jr
Washington DC – Robert F. Kennedy Jr appeared on Wednesday in this first Senate confirmation hearing for the position of Secretary of...
Jan 30, 20251 min read


Palpatine Terminates Security Detail of the Entire Senate
Galactic Senate, Coruscant (GNS) – Merely days after being crowned emperor, Palpatine has terminated the security detail of all members...
Jan 28, 20251 min read


Chinese Family Terminates Its “Diversity” Policy for Dinner
New York City, NY – A Chinese family has terminated its diversity policy regarding dinner. By “family” is meant the husband and father...
Jan 18, 20251 min read


US Navy to Consider Naming Future Carrier after Former First Lady
Washington DC – The US Navy announced on Monday the names of two future Ford -class aircraft carriers: the USS William J. Clinton ...
Jan 14, 20251 min read


My First False Flag Wildfire
Los Angeles, CA – A new play set is to be released to capitalize on the raging mid-winter wildfires. “My First False Flag Wildfire” comes...
Jan 11, 20251 min read


Biden Awards Himself the Medal of Taking Annual Leave
Washington DC – President Biden awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to 19 individuals on Saturday, recognizing the utmost...
Jan 6, 20251 min read


FBI: Deadly Rebel Attack on Death Star “not related to Rebels”
Coruscant (GNS) – The FBI is still investigating the attack on the Death Star, describing it as “not related to Rebels”. Over 1.8 million...
Jan 3, 20251 min read


Biden Would Pardon Herod If He Could
Washington DC – President Joe Biden has commuted the death sentences of 37 out of 40 individuals. “Make no mistake: I condemn these...
Dec 23, 20241 min read


Young Man Convinced Some Old People Should Just Stay Home
Philadelphia, PA – After having attended his cousin’s wedding, a young man is convinced that some old people should just stay home. “I’ve...
Dec 23, 20241 min read


Biden to Pardon 8,000 Drones
Washington DC – President Joe Biden announced on Thursday that in addition to commuting the sentences of about 1,500 individuals, he will...
Dec 19, 20241 min read


Predator’s Acquittal a Safety Concern for Subway Commuters
New York City, NY – Following Predator’s not guilty verdict in the high-profile case, some have commented regarding the safety...
Dec 12, 20241 min read


ED-209 Falls Down Stairs During Lunch
Washington DC – ED-209 fell down stairs on Tuesday during its lunchtime patrol, sustaining “scratches to its body and minor damage to its...
Dec 11, 20241 min read


Palpatine Considering Preemptive Pardons for Anakin Skywalker
Galactic Senate, Coruscant (GNS) – Chancellor Palpatine is considering blanket preemptive pardons for Jedi Anakin Skywalker. Sources...
Dec 9, 20241 min read


Man Thought South Korean Martial Law Part of K-drama
Sydney, Australia – A man who was binging on K-drama early on Wednesday morning thought news of the martial law declaration in South...
Dec 3, 20241 min read


Man Cleans Windows and Installs New Curtains for Three Days of Darkness
Philadelphia, PA – A man decided to rip out his horizontal blinds, clean the windows and install new curtains. His wife thought he did it...
Nov 22, 20241 min read


The Ominous Owl #4
Welcome to the fourth entry by the Ominous Owl, the number that is truly ominous. At least for those who are afraid of death. That was a...
Oct 26, 20241 min read


Toilet Accuses Trump of Inappropriately Touching Its Face
New York City, NY – A toilet in New York has accused former President Donald Trump of inappropriately touching its face with his bare...
Oct 26, 20241 min read


Trump Faces Dilemma to Collect More Assassination Attempt Badges
Coachella, CA – In the aftermath of a man arrested outside of his campaign rally for using fake VIP credentials and possessing multiple...
Oct 14, 20241 min read


Mayorkas: FEMA Needs More Money to Stop People Doing Anything
Washington DC – Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas told reporters FEMA does not have sufficient funding beyond any “immediate...
Oct 6, 20241 min read


Lindsey Graham: Must Help Hurricane Victims by Helping Israel
Washington DC – Senator Lindsey Graham responded to the aftermath of Hurricane Helene, stating that “the devastation is just...
Oct 4, 20241 min read
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