top of page

Twitter Worked with Presbyterians to Suppress Free Will

San Francisco, CA – Twitter Files have revealed that the platform worked with presbyterians to suppress free will.

“It’s important we banish the idea of free will and getting some sort of christians onboard may help,” wrote one Twitter exec.

However, some staff disagreed. A typical argument was that “no one likes those sour-faced presbyterians snobs”.

“Doesn’t matter if they can help us suppress free will. They’re pretty good at denying it,” responded the abovementioned exec.

Nevertheless, Twitter’s methods were inconsistent. At times, as if by default, tweets with Bible verses had their “visibility” reduced.

“We should maybe consider stopping that,” wrote an exec, “I mean, they’re pretty good at cherry-picking Bible verses and twisting them for their purposes. Let them pretend free will doesn’t exist or doesn’t count or whatever. Let them be as retarded and confusing as possible. That suits us.”

Twitter Worked with Presbyterians to Suppress Free Will

At that point, Twitter seemed to settle on that method. One member from the legal department wrote in an email:

“Wow, it must be working cos I’m confused as to what’s going on. Maybe I really predestined to be like that.”

Be sure to subscribe to our mailing list so you get each new Opinyun that comes out!


Recent Posts

See All


Screen Shot 2021-12-09 at 4.49.31 PM.png

10% Off


bottom of page