Detroit, MI – A local presbyterian church has produced a heavily redacted version of the bible.
“Just because protestants killed off a handful of books a few hundred years ago doesn’t mean we can’t keep going,” said David, one of the elders of the congregation.
The elders were uncomfortable with the idea of getting rid of entire books, so it was decided to redact the text instead.
“We have to at least pretend we’re not getting rid of stuff wholesale, even though we sorta are,” said David. “But we’re presbyterians so we’re allowed to be stubborn snobs. We’ll just redact every verse that hints at free will, responsibility and the value of works and all that.”
Some members of the congregation love the new redacted texts.
“Wow, we have ‘God is love’ from John’s first epistle and something about predestination in Ephesians… and that’s pretty much it,” said Amy. “How easy!”
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