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Pentagon Announces New Military Proficiency Policy

Washington DC – The Pentagon has announced a new policy for the training and testing of proficiencies of US military personnel.

Instead of expecting our soldiers to shoot at targets, they are expected to just take shots.

“We no longer require our soldiers to shoot at people,” said General Pat Simmons, “because that would be politically incorrect and all that. But we expect them to proudly wear pink, take the vaccine and as many boosters as there are genders which they are all expected to remember.”


Effective immediately, any personnel refusing the very safe and effective COVID vaccine will be relieved of duty because such refusal would cause a loss of confidence in one’s ability to perform one’s duty.

“Other than medics, I have no idea why needles have anything to do with military stuff,” said Simmons, “but logic is not necessary nowadays and I just do as I’m told.”

“I totally agree with the new proficiencies,” said Lieutenant Mick Smith. “Now I no longer have to execute drone strikes on some random dude in the Middle East or a journalist and miss half the time anyway.”


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