Experts Urge Preparations for COVID Beta-Sigma Strain

Geneva, Switzerland – COVID experts are now warning that not only are the Delta, Mu and Omicron strains dangerous, but that another one has emerged recently.


“We’re running out of Greek letters,” said Professor Karl Fassbender, “so we’ll use two-letter combinations now. Maybe it doesn’t sound as threatening as Omicron but two letters still look pretty cool.”


The latest variant is dubbed the “Beta-Sigma strain”, sometimes written as βσ or BS.


“It does resemble the current Beta variant,” said an unnamed expert, “but the science shows that it is a little different.”


According to another expert, there is a lack of data regarding this BS but just enough to show that it may exist. “We’re still studying it and tracking it. Even though the case numbers are low at the moment, it seems to be highly infectious… may even spread faster than that Taliban strain.”


Professor Fassbender hypothesize that the BS strain is most likely to be asymptomatic. “Even though we’re having trouble finding it, we’re sure it’s there. It must be. It’s a bit like a socially inept scientist on his honeymoon. His wife is in front of him, so the hole has to be there somewhere. No doubt the virus is conveniently asymptomatic, except for the part that it makes people really stupid or turns them into psychopaths who want to vaccinate the world.”


“Despite not knowing much about this latest variant,” said Dr Anthony Faucet, “we urge the public to prepare… nothing in particular, just be prepared to be told to do all the things you’ve heard before. And the current vaccine is still the best defense because it will reduce the chances of you living long enough to catch… well, anything.”

 

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