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Simian Practicalist

ISIS Leader Al-Baghdadi Resurrected, Then Dies of COVID

Washington DC – The White House announced that the ISIS leader Al-Baghdadi was recently resurrected after he reportedly blew himself up in October 2019 just to die again, this time of COVID.


This was not the first time the terrorist leader had been resurrected to be subsequently killed. He was reportedly killed in September 2014. He was resurrected just to be seriously wounded by airstrikes in November 2014 and April 2015.


Later, Al-Baghdadi was killed by an airstrike in June 2015. But this did not stop another resurrection before he was killed again, this time by a Russian airstrike, in June 2017. Resurfacing, Al-Baghdadi died when he blew himself up in a US raid in 2019.


The resurrection protocol is obviously not affected by deaths involving explosives since the ISIS leader was recently resurrected again for like the tenth time. However, in this instance, before any chance of dying again by an airstrike, he succumbed to COVID.


“This just shows how deadly COVID is,” said Dr Fauci. “Even being blown up into mushy little pieces doesn’t compare to this virus. The Ministry of Truth’s all-powerful resurrection process can’t bring you back from it. Only the vaccine can offer protection.”


ISIS Leader Al-Baghdadi Resurrected, Then Dies of COVID
 

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