top of page

Francis Declares Vaccines the Eighth Sacrament

Vatican – On Thursday, Francis convened the Vatican III Ecumenical Council in the morning right after breakfast, summoning any bishop within half a mile of the Vatican.

After a brief round of masonic handshakes and more coffee, the meeting started. The first matter of discussion was on which socialists to hug and kiss in the upcoming audiences before moving on to matters of doctrine.

By lunchtime, Francis and the bishops had formulated the latest dogma:

I, Francis, proclaim, teach and define that all approved COVID vaccines are the Eighth Sacrament.

After further discussion with the executive members of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, the hierarchy issued some guidance on the matter:

Although not as important as Eucharist, it is nonetheless recommended that the faithful frequently receive the vaccine, at least four times per year if not weekly as per Holy Communion. Confession is not necessary and it is recommended that the vaccine be received when celebrating the Novus Ordo.


When asked about whether there is “true presence” in these vaccines, Francis responded by mumbling, “I don’t know. Some protestants don’t even like the question and we can’t offend them by talking about it. Depends on who’s presence, I guess…

“Anyway, remember that the vaccine is an effort of Man, made with love for the benefit of fellow Man and receiving it is an act of love, and Jesus loves everyone, and blah blah blah, you get the idea.”


Be sure to subscribe to our mailing list so you get each new Opinyun that comes out!



Screen Shot 2021-12-09 at 4.49.31 PM.png

10% Off


bottom of page