Canberra, Australia – On Tuesday, Health Minister from Down Under, Greg Hunt, indicated that even if the entire country is vaccinated, the borders may still remain closed.
“Vaccination alone is no guarantee that you can open up,” said Minister Hunt. “If it did, it might actually make sense then. We would never officially admit the vaccine doesn’t work against a disease which we still haven’t really talked about what it really is…”
Nevertheless, the minister reassured the public that there are always exceptions to the border closure. “Don’t worry, we’ll let in all the sports people because we have to have sport. Can’t run a country without commercialized sports.
“And all the Chinese with money. We’ll let in the commie investors buying all our land and stuff. As for their military, I heard they’ve rolled out vaccinations more efficiently than us so I am sure all their pilots which may be used to drop bombs on us have been vaccinated, so that’s alright then.
“And by the way, I’m feeling better now. It wasn’t the vaccine anyway, so you should all get vaccinated.”
In other news, the Australian government has issued a statement that it has given up plans to “set new targets” for completing vaccinations; after all, “anyone with half a brain that is not suffering from blood clots can work out that even if 50,000 doses are administered 5 days per week, 50 weeks per year, it’ll still take two years to vaccinate the entire population.”
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