San Francisco, CA – It is common knowledge that there is an anomalously high number of deaths connected to Hillary Clinton. Amongst other causes, suicide, heart attack and vehicular accidents are seemingly the most common.
However, the preliminary findings of a recent study that reviewed all the deaths have uncovered a stunning trend: they all in fact died of COVID-19.
“It’s remarkable,” said Monique Flint who participated in the study as part of her doctorate program in statistical analysis. “I couldn’t believe that almost every subject had in fact died of a totally different cause.”
John Higgins, a student of forensics, agreed. “One person, for example, supposedly died of viral pneumonia so I can see the COVID connection in that case. But plane crashes, suicide by gunshot, jumping out the window… they were all COVID deaths. It’s amazing!”
Although such findings still seem to be statically anomalous and therefore demands further investigation, Higgins added, “We did check everything, and we will go over our findings again when Professor Roberts returns from a conference tomorrow, if his flight isn’t delayed.”
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