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Alexa Goes Green

Seattle, WA – Amazon has announced the new Alexa Green for home energy management. The familiar functions such as music playback, online ordering, making to-do lists—everything which aids self-conducted surveillance—are still available.

Alexa Goes Green

Alexa Green’s new and unique function is the “E-smart”, short for “energy smart”. Every activity in the house, including human activity, is constantly monitored and its equivalent energy consumption rate calculated. At any moment the household’s energy usage exceeds the “E-cap” (energy cap), certain appliances are automatically shut down momentarily.

“We’re proud to release a product which monitors every joule a household uses and to help every household maintain the smallest energy footprint possible,” said Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon. “It’s good for the planet which means it is good for us.”

One test user noted that when he was watching adult films, the heater was automatically shut down because his body was generating heat. Even the kettle that was boiling water was put on pause. “But as soon as I finished, the heater and kettle fired up again.”

Another test user raved about the new unit: “You know how when you’re in the shower and someone washes their hands or something and your water goes cold for a few seconds?—well, with Alexa Green, this now happens with everything! It’s great!”

Regarding what the specific number the E-cap is set to, Bezos stated: “It’s not really a set number. The algorithm is smart and will calculate the cap based on the number of people in the household, the size of the home, the ambient temperature, and what everyone else is doing, and what you did the day before. It’s complicated.”

The Alexa Green uses twice as much power as existing models but improvements have been made to existing features. These include better voice-command recognition and the celebrity voice library has been expanded to include Greta, Al Gore and Chairman Mao Zedong.


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