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What's In Your Head?

That’s what the 90s vocalist, Dolores O’Riordan, asked in her 1994 hit song, “Zombie,” performed by the Irish band, The Cranberries. O’Riordan has since moved on from this world and will not have the “luxury” of witnessing any sort of zombie apocalypse, but what about the rest of us?

When it was first brought to my attention that the CDC put out warnings on zombie preparedness, I was taken aback somewhat. Instantly, I thought of the film World War Z and its frightening implications. I stored it in the back of my mind that although it was quite improbable, a zombie event is no longer impossible.

Brad Pitt & Mireille Enos in World War Z

That was a few months and a thousand memes ago.

But yesterday, a buddy of mine sent me a screenshot of AWS’ Service Agreement where one of the clauses mentions in precise detail a zombie event. Go here, scroll all the way down to clause 42.10, and read it for yourself.

It never uses the word, “zombie,” which makes it, at least in my humble opinion, a serious clause and not some sort of satire or tongue-in-cheek remark.

It also made me wonder what type of lumberyard materials could do that. Then, Opinyuns’ very own, Average Joe, pointed out to me that Lumberyard is Amazon’s 3D game engine platform.

The clause makes a little more sense from a context perspective, but it still references a zombie event in a real world setting. It’s basically saying that one cannot use Amazon’s 3D game engine platform for medical, aircraft, or military equipment unless there is a zombie event. In other words, if there were to be a zombie event, all bets are off. I mean, what else could it mean? In the event of a person coming back to life and looking for living human flesh as sustenance, the and only then can you create 3D software using AWS Lumberyard. Sounds a little ridic, right?

Well, I can only imagine that all these liberal companies and institutions think the Act of God clause in legal terminology is somewhat ridiculous as well. Yet, it has real world legitimacy. Are Amazon and the CDC trying to slowly legitimize zombies? Do they know something we the public do not?

I mean, look at the CDC’s zombie campaign.

At first glance, it feels like satire. But seeing how invested they are, and how much zombie content is there, and knowing an organization like the CDC wouldn’t know satire if it was some dude in a zombie costume standing in their lobby, this campaign is 100% real.

Now, I will admit that about 75% of their articles, posts, and marketing materials uses zombie apocalypse as a way to sort of scare people into preparing for a more likely emergency or catastrophic event, but they do go into great detail and research about how a zombie could form and how they could spread globally, creating said apocalypse.

Does the CDC scare people into doing something? Where have I heard that tactic before? Oh yeah, this whole mask issue and vaccines and COVID-19. Could they somehow be connected??? Oh to be a fly on the wall at AWS or the CDC. Makes me wonder what’s in their heads?


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