New York City, NY – Pfizer has announced that it will manufacture and supply countries with its insect spray.
“Everybody knows insect spray is inconsistent, sometimes they work almost immediately but often can take a few minutes,” said Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla, “so we thought we’d enter the market as well. We’ve proven that we’re good at making people drop like flies, regardless of how long it takes, and we like to continue that trend.”
When asked whether testing was conducted on the effectiveness of the product on insects and safety on humans and pets, Janine Small, Pfizer President of International Developed Markets, answered, “No, we had to really move at the speed of science so we can ensure maximum damage on insects because… because insects can spread germs and COVID-19 and stuff.”
Despite the apparent lack of testing, Small insists that the spray is “really cool” since it comes in a “small trendy-looking can”.
“We made it look like deodorant because it’s harmless,” said Small, “so you can spray it on yourself like deodorant or insect repellent. Like our booster shots, you can use it every day!”
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