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Australia Could Still Maybe Have Nuclear Submarine by 2030

Canberra, Australia – Australian Deputy Prime Minister and Defense Minister Richard Marles has not ruled out that Australia could have the new nuclear submarines ready by the year 2030.

“I stand by our previous statements that the new subs may not be ready until late-2030s, or 2040s,” said Marles. “Or maybe even early 2050s at the latest.”

Nevertheless, Marles insists that 2030 is still a “possibility” even if it is optimistic: “I mean, forget having it ready by World War III, but hopefully at least one boat will be sorta ready before World War IV ends.”

Currently, the taskforce is examining which submarine to build. “We have to carefully assess the US and UK designs and think about stuff like procurement.

“We’re Aussies so we’re lazy and stupid and can’t just whip out the engineering textbooks and design our own subs, but we can at least pretend to know how to assess other people’s blueprints. So, we have until 2030 to totally f— it up,” Marles added.

Virginia-class submarine Minnesota (SSN-783) (Photo: US Navy, 2012)
Virginia-class submarine Minnesota (SSN-783) (Photo: US Navy, 2012)

In response to whether the government will consider other designs, Marles answered: “We will assess every option. Like the Collins-class sub, we might just change the design; we might attach the UK bow onto the US design or something. Maybe we’ll call it the Frankenstein-class. It’ll be noisy as f— but I guarantee our galley’s pie oven will be very quiet.”

Opposition Leader Peter Dutton accused the government of sabotaging the project. “I know we Aussies are slow but the government is clearly considering abandoning the project which is irresponsible.”

Both the government and the opposition can, however, agree on one thing. “The previous government cancelled the French sub deal for this,” said Marles, “and I’ll admit giving the middle finger to the French is pretty funny.”


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