Trump Arrest Processing Fail Due to Greasy McDonald’s Fingers
New York City, NY – The processing of the arrest of President Donald J. Trump failed because of the police officers’ inability to take his fingerprints.
“It was a complete mess,” said one police officer who witnessed the procedure. “His fingers were all greasy and everything.”
Trump said that he merely had a few Quarter Pounders and maybe half a dozen Large Fries. “I didn’t think eating would be a problem,” he said, “I mean, they can sue me.”
Regarding the incident, President Biden stated: “It is a disgrace that the former president has… has… mocked the legal process with the constitution process and woulda mocked the Vanilla Cone if he ate one because I want one of those now.”
“At least my fingers were greasy from just McDonald’s and not McChildren,” added Trump. “Besides, my big order might just help McDonald’s stay afloat. It wasn’t me who ruined the economy.”
Meanwhile, DA Alvin Bragg has praised the police officers and court officials. “From what I heard it was a difficult job but I am glad our people did it despite the defendant’s greasy fingers,” he said. “He [Trump] should know that eating is not explicitly a constitutional right.”
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