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Russia: Burger King to Become Burger Tsar in Takeover

Moscow, Russia – As hundreds of western companies suspend operations across Russia, President Vladimir Putin has threatened to seize their assets.

Western diplomats have condemned such a move whilst reactions in Russia are mixed.

“I understand the move,” said one Moscow resident, “but I am concerned for my fellow Russians who need jobs. Oh well, at least not having fast food franchises means less s— in the country, so that’s a good thing. I mean, they’re worse than bioweapons labs.”

“As long as we assign someone capable over the seized assets to keep things running, then it’s not so bad,” said Elektrina, a 22-year-old student in Moscow.

Indeed, there is to be a takeover of Burger King which will be renamed to Burger Tsar. The menu will also be changed to not include “western poison”, also known as processed foods.

The rumors of McDonald’s to be renamed to McVladimir’s cannot be confirmed.

Russia: Burger King to Become Burger Tsar in Takeover

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