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Presbyterian Church to No Longer Offer Choice of Post-service Drink

Philadelphia, PA – A local Presbyterian church is to no longer offer the choice of coffee or tea after their services.


“It’s partly a financial decision,” said Rob MacFluffin, an elder of the congregation. “We just don’t have enough funding coming in. So, on any given Sunday, whatever we have is whatever we have.”


Not surprisingly, it is also a theological issue. “Although everyone here adopts a slightly different version,” said John Fulham, another elder, “we’re all supposed to be sorta Calvinists here so it’s a bit inconsistent if we offered a choice of coffee or tea all the time.”


Angela MacGalvin, the Drinks Coordinator, takes a more practical view. “Well, that makes my job easier if I don’t have to listen to anyone. I just pour out whatever and hand it over.”


In addition, also partly due to finance, the coffee or tea or just plain water will be served lukewarm instead of hot. “If no one gets scalded, then there won’t be any lawsuits from that,” said MacFluffin. “And besides, lukewarm is just more pleasant anyway.”


In other news, the nearby Lutheran church is offering copious amounts of cheap and nasty red wine instead. “It’s really filthy stuff,” commented one of its members.

 

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